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Her Blog

There’s the ex: new hair cut looking sharp, a big old smile pasted on their face, phone pinging with Tinder notifications while the kids happily gaze up at them. Have they been working out?

Then there’s you: bags under your eyes from another sleepless night and a mind that’s jumping between your bank balance and your break-up.

What on God’s green earth is going on, you wonder. How do they have it all together, and so quickly?!

The truth is, they probably don’t. And even if they do, I’m here to tell you: it doesn’t matter. Moving forward from a separation or divorce is dependent on ditching the comparison game. Forget the bitterness, and tell those mean little voices who are trying to convince you you’re not good enough to hit the road. You CAN attract all the good things that you desire into your life.

It’s all about mindset. And yes, I get that when you’re heart-broken, bitter, feeling like you are trapped in a situation that someone else put you in, it is hard (really hard) to stop the negative thoughts from taking over.

Louise Hay put this best when she urged us all to adopt the mindset: “Only good lies before me”. In other words, no matter what life throws at you, it’s all going to work out for the best.

But how do you go from exhausted to enlightened? I won’t lie, it’s not easy—but it is worth it.

The four ways to shift your mindset and create the life you desire:

1. Open your mind

The ex used a word you don’t like. The ex’s new partner dressed a certain way in front of the kids. There was a crazy driver behind you in peak hour. The ex made a comment about you running late to collect the kids. You were unimpressed with your latest legal bill. The children gave you attitude because they are struggling to deal with the two-home situation.

I’ve been there. But according to Wayne Dyer, philosopher, self-help author, and a motivational speaker, “most people actually spend their lives looking for occasions to be offended. They’re actually out there hoping to find some reason to be offended. And, there is no shortage of reasons – they are out there everywhere”.

Another phrase for it is the victim mentality. And when that’s where our head’s at, we’re closing our mind to what is possible for us. “Having an open mind means opening yourself up to the potentiality, and the possibility, that everything and anything is possible”. It’s a mindset that says, “I’m never looking for something to be offended by”.

Tip: Start by noticing when you do this. And when you do catch yourself, turn it around to find something in that very moment to be grateful for.

2. You can’t see gold if you’re always looking for blue

Imagine you just bought a new car. You’re bubbling with excitement… it’s a brand-new-to-market make and colour. It’s definitely going to turn heads on the road.

You leave the car dealership, turn the corner and then O.M.G. – there is the exact same car. Two minutes down the road – another – exactly the same. And another. In total, five of them before you get home. It happens every time!

Why is this? Simple: once you make yourself aware of something – you start to notice it, and you begin to attract it.

How does this relate to you dealing with a split, or to you being jealous of your ex’s amazing new life?

Well, if all you see is that your ex has it all together, and you DON’T….that’s all you are going to see (and that’s the way it’s going to be, and feel, for a long, long time!).

Tip: Try flipping this around (and while you’re at it, take your ex out of the thought equation all together). Start pushing the thought that YOU have it all together. Start seeing GOLD not BLUE. Everyday… all day long. Focus on what YOU desire.

3. You already have everything

Did you know that floating out there in the Universe – right now – is absolutely every reality you will ever desire?

The problem: you are simply not experiencing it yet.

Neale Donald Walsch says, “You need to reach into the sea of infinite possibilities and call for it – the reality you now choose to experience.”

‘How exactly do you call for it?’, I hear you ask. With your thoughts, words and actions, of course: what you say, what you think or believe, and what you do.

There is a catch, though.

You need to be strategic in the way you request things – particularly by being aware of the driving motivation behind your wish.

Let’s break that down.

Wish: I want a nicer home (your mindset: because I can’t survive in this cramped little box). Universe says “YES”.

Wish: I need more money (your mindset: because I can’t afford the groceries this week). Universe says “YES”.

Wish: I’d like to be slimmer (your mindset: because I feel and look terrible this way). Universe says, “YES”.

What is the Universe actually saying yes to? Your mindset – not your wish.

If your statement comes from the deep seeded thought that you do not have any (money, happiness, fitness etc.), you will struggle to see results. Your thoughts have a huge influence on the final outcome.

This is where affirmations come in handy. Think about it: if you tell yourself more times in a day that you are unhappy than you are happy, or poor than rich, or fat and flabby than trim, taut and terrific… guess who wins? That’s right: Mr. Unhappy, Mr. Poor, and Mr. Fat and Flabby.

Tip: Write yourself some affirmations. Write them on sticky notes – put them everywhere around the house, on the dash of your car, on your desk at work, reminders on your phone, on the mirror in the bathroom.

I am strong.

I am gorgeous.

I am bold.

I have a heart of gold.

I can achieve anything I set my mind to.

There is an abundance of money in and around my life.

I am an amazing parent.

I am fit and healthy.

I am doing a great job.

I give myself permission to shine and be happy everyday.

Come up with your own powerful affirmations. Or, for suggestions check out websites like Louise Hay’s. Live by these affirmations, and watch the goodness start to flow into your life.

4. Sending out the right vibrations

It’s no coincidence that when a thought pops into your head about someone you’d promised to call (but didn’t) you unexpectedly bump into this person on the street.

“I was just about to call you!”, you blurt out. Or stumble through, “Oh, I was just thinking of you!”.

Incredibly there’s actually a rhyme and reason to this: a science of super powers.

It’s called The Law of Vibration. This law states that everything is vibrating with energy. Absolutely everything – a chair, a book, a tree, an animal, people, our emotions and thoughts. We are living in a massive sea of energy.

Speaker and author Camillo Loken says, “Our thoughts are on a certain vibrational frequency and hence are part of the vibrating universe. The Law of Attraction, which is based on The Law of Vibration, states that we attract what we are sending out. Hence positive energies attract positive energies and negative energies attract negative energies.”

“Thought is the most potent vibration – so this means you CAN attract to you what you want and wish for.”

“When you know that your thoughts and emotions are vibrating (The Law of Vibration) and you know that “like attracts like” (The Law of Attraction) you will appreciate that you can now start to alter your life just by altering your thoughts and emotions.”

Just asking the universe for things (like happiness, love, money) is sadly not quite enough to get the job done. You must make sure your emotions and feelings are in harmony with your wish, too. “You need to “fall in love” with what you want in order to be in the correct vibrational state”, says Loken.

Tip: Watch Bob Proctor’s Youtube video on thought vibrations and The Law of Attraction to understand this concept fully.

You CAN have what you desire, today!

To Hell with circumstances. I make opportunities! – Bruce Lee

Whether you’re at the beginning, middle or end of your separation or divorce, I encourage you to learn these lessons and be the creator of your own circumstances from here on in.

Mix with happier people that are vibrating on a higher level than you are now – these people will lift your energy, your vibrations and your awareness. These people feel good to be around and in turn increase your feel-good factor.

If you’re aware to the fact that you’re not happy, it’s because the universe is sending you a message. Lift your positive outlook game, and awareness, to attract what you desire.

Always expect the best.

And make yourself extremely aware of that which you DO want (not what you don’t have). You need to focus your energy and vibrations on the specific goal – what you desire. Go for it!

If you’re currently facing the reality of a breakup, separation, divorce, co-parenting journey or are a victim of domestic abuse, there is now an app to help you document absolutely everything – information, communication and evidence – so you’re ready for whatever legal obligations that may arise.

Download on the App Store

Download on Google Play

For more support, download my FREE e-book, 5 Separation & Divorce Hacks. It’s packed with helpful tips and advice from those who’ve been right where you are now. It will help you go in the right direction faster, and less painfully.

I’d love to know what affirmations you’re focusing on right now. Let me know in the comments below.

You’re doing just fine. Take it one day at a time. And remember, be especially kind to yourself.


Annie Kendall
Founder | Hello Mojo


Her Blog

“Oh, the places you’ll go! Today is your day. You’re off to Great Places! You’re off and away!” 
– Dr. Seuss

Really? Great places, I hear you scoff.

If you’re in the middle of a separation or divorce, or going through a really rocky patch, that Great Place you glimpsed on your wedding day probably looks like a not-so-great dump these days.

Truth is: Dr Seuss did set our expectations for life pretty darn high! (Fairytales, rom-coms and Disney have something to answer for, too). So how do you move on when those expectations–for life, for love–lead you to heartbreak?

Let’s break it down

Love them or hate them, expectations–defined as “a strong belief that something will happen or be the case”–help us to reach for great heights. Anticipate possible dangers. And allow us to predict and forecast how an experience will unfold. They’re what drives the belief you’ll have a faithful marriage; they also underpin that argument you have with your partner when they throw you a curveball.

They ready our heart rate for moments of pure joy, or despair. Save us from danger, from risking our lives, or from doing something totally embarrassing.

Expectations carry a badge of trust or a shield of warning. They give us standards to uphold. And they offer us the opportunity to make so-called ‘informed’ decisions (that is, if you believe in crystal balls) before participating in an activity.

But, here’s where things get messed up

A Harvard study led by psychologist and happiness expert Dan Gilbert concluded that expectations can actually lessen the joy and happiness factor in life.


Expectations present us with an alternative outcome for every situation – the one you role play in your mind ahead of the event, and actual reality. So, rather than wholeheartedly accepting and owning what happens to us minute by minute, there’s always a decision pending about which would have been the better outcome. We deliberate, compare and usually hedge our bets.

Expectations add inflated ambition to new experiences, a great deal of internal pressure and a massive amount of emotion, all of which may or may not be useful depending on the situation.

Where do expectations come from?

Turns out, our brains have evolved to become “experience simulators”, as Gilbert puts it.

Think of it like this: pilots practice in flight simulators so they don’t make mistakes in real life.

“Human beings actually have the marvelous adaptation that means they can have experiences in their heads before they try them out in real life,” he says.

These simulated experiences become our expectations.

Amazing, right? But that means rather than being completely present or open to the new possibilities that our future holds, each situation is influenced by an expectation.

Because of this, we miss experiencing so much joy and happiness in simply living life as it happens. We fail to listen to others’ points of view because we are too busy remembering our pre-rehearsed lines. We avoid situations where we expect to be uncomfortable or feel pain. We are convinced that we’re right. And, we would rather argue a preconceived idea than compromise, or in some cases, change our tune to agree with our spouse or ex.

The thing is, an expectation is purely conjured up in our mind’s eye. It’s not reality. However, we attach to it very real and significant meaning.

The good news: now you know this, you can change it.

Advice to help you heal and move forwards powerfully

Since my divorce I’ve spent a lot of time actively healing so I can move forwards with a life I love.

One thing I’ve learned? When you stop playing the blame game – no matter under what circumstance the relationship may have ended – you’re immediately empowered. I’m not saying your ex wasn’t at fault – particularly if there was any kind of abuse involved – but there comes a point where you have to look beyond what happened in the past in order to move on with your future.

Try this exercise: write a Mills and Boon style love story about your relationship – start to finish. The purpose: to figure out where you may be able to take (some) responsibility for the breakdown in your relationship (at first, this concept may be difficult to comprehend if you’re feeling hurt or betrayed!). This isn’t an exercise in self-punishment, trust me. It’s about gaining a deeper understanding of how things broke down.

To make this easier, I’d like to share a little about what I discovered from doing this exercise. (Yes, it has to do with expectations!)

So, our love affair began… and my story went on and on, page after page. Mostly happy, until it wasn’t.

Finally, I was done. I read and re-read the story… and, I made a major discovery.

In the early days of our relationship, it became clear that I was systematically ticking off desirable attributes on my virtual ‘husband must-have checklist’.

My list was comprehensive and detailed but very attainable (so I thought!). Perhaps 15 points long.

The issue was that as soon as I saw that my new boyfriend (now ex) had checked off just five items on my list, I started calling him Mr Right.

At this point in my story, I could suddenly see what happened: my subconscious took over and ticked off every other ‘must-have’ on my list …even if he didn’t fulfill the criteria.

And there was my problem: I now had an expectation that he could do everything on my personal checklist.

So, when I needed a qualified carpenter, a keen fisherman, or someone to enjoy country music with, I became internally frustrated with the in-house talent.

I didn’t quite realize this at the time. And I never verbalized these frustrations. But looking back, I’m sure my body language and mood would have suggested just as much.

I suddenly realized how stressful it must have been for my ex feeling like he always needed to live up to my fabricated and totally unrealistic expectations just so he could please me.

Would things have been different if not for my expectations? Maybe, maybe not. In hindsight, perhaps I should have listened to this advice from Tony Robbins: “Turn your expectations into appreciation and your whole life will change.”

The power of expectations
“It’s worth taking stock of how often our imagination, our expectations and assumptions, bleed into reality and actually change experience or change our bodies.”
Chris Berdik

As you walk forwards from here (from a separation, divorce, perhaps an abusive partner and into your new life), I challenge you to continually ask yourself if your experiences are being influenced by expectations. Are you putting your past into your future? Are you open to the power of a new experience (even if you’ve lived through the same situation before)?

Acknowledge your expectations and run with them – you still have the power. Or bench them for a whole new realm of amazing possibilities that comes from living in the moment.

If you’re currently facing the reality of a breakup, separation, divorce, co-parenting journey or are a victim of domestic abuse, there is now an app to help you document absolutely everything – information, communication and evidence – so you’re ready for whatever legal obligations may arise.

Download on the App Store

Download on Google Play

For more support, download my FREE e-book, 5 Separation & Divorce Hacks. It’s packed with helpful tips and advice from those who’ve been right where you are now. It will help you go in the right direction faster, and less painfully.

I’d love to know what expectations have been holding you back from new experiences or that may have contributed to your reality today. Let me know in the comments below.

You’re doing just fine. Take it one day at a time. And remember, be especially kind to yourself.


Annie Kendall
Founder | Hello Mojo